A few months ago, I sent out an to my list requesting that my female readers ask me absolutely anything they wanted to know about.
The 1 most common thing that they asked about? More specifically, what men were thinking. What did men think about women? How does sex feel for men?
Do men really respect women or do they just tolerate them so that they can have a regular drip-feed of sexual intimacy in their lives? Honestly, I really appreciated the directness of the s. So, without further ado, I would like to share with you my responses to some of the most common and some of the more entertaining questions that I received in those hundreds of s.
How men see women, how women see men
These are copy and paste exactly how they were written to me. One man might crave the freedom of being a perpetual bachelor and travelling the world and never having a relationship last more than three months in his entire life. As David Deida has written about extensively, the feminine in every person craves love and connection, whereas the masculine in everyone craves a sense of purpose above all else. Want your man to perform better for you in bed?
What women think and what men think women think: perceptions of abuse and kindness in dating relationships
To bring you more of his energy? Make more noise. Simply moaning more will inspire your man to step up for you in the bedroom. But if you are experiencing real pleasure, let it be known by letting your voice be fully expressed. It is my firm belief that pleasure being experienced through your body is more pleasurable to men than even the heights of pleasure in their own bodies.
Ever wonder why some men can be so obsessed with getting their partners to orgasm? Sure, part of it is ego. They want to make sure that she is having a great time so that they feel lovable and okay. But more importantly than that, is that they experience pleasure more fully when you are the one who is experiencing it fully.
To put this in another context, a man simply witnessing a feminine-associated woman dancing with abandon is more nourishing to his masculine heart than his own dancing could ever be for himself. All men want to be with a woman who trusts them.
And not think trusted by them hurts in a visceral way. Trust matters so much to men because trust is an indicator that their partner has confidence in the about of their masculine essence. Their directionality. Their decision making ability. If a man commented on how ugly or smelly you were… or if he made fun of the way that you danced or the sounds men made when you orgasm, these things would hit deeply. So, trust them if they are trustable. Practice surrendering more deeply on a regular basis. The other thing that I think is worthy of being mentioned here, is that all men will resent the mirror of their partner, at what occasionally.
Because men crave silence, peace, stillness, freedom… there is woman about being in relationship with a woman that is like voluntarily chaining yourself to the antithesis of stillness. Any man who denies this is either disconnected from his more animalistic self, or is lying to your face.
Women make men self-conscious, in the most literal sense. Men become more aware of themselves, and all of their short-comings, when they are around a woman. And so any man who complains of a woman who is nagging at him is simply a man who is afraid to step into his power and potential in life, nothing more.
Men are people, and thus have the insecurities that any people would have. Obviously there is a huge factor of self-selection bias here. In other words, the types of men who I talk to most frequently are men who are proactively seeking out sex and relationship advice. But those are the core themes that I am most privy to. Anything past that their beer gut, whether or not they can throw a football, etc.
But the core theme is competency. While women are raised and conditioned to be pleasant and attractive, men are primarily conditioned to be effective and useful.
This is a great question. And to answer it, I want to provide some context on it by swapping the genders and giving an alternative example. Across an average population sample, there are many women that say they want a man who is in touch with his emotions.
What men really think of women (you asked for this…)
What this looks like in reality is that he would be able to express his emotional reality, cry at the occasional movie, and be sensitive enough to emotionality in general that he could always feel into what she was feeling. When men show up in their lives who are fully in touch with their emotions, they might feel repulsed or turned off by their emotional sensitivity. The idea sounds nice. And it might sound progressive and of-the-times to say that you want this. A woman can be with a man who is deeply in touch with his emotions and is in the habit of expressing them when she has accepted the full range of her own emotions, and when she can source her own sense of stability inside of herself.
In short, you need to make friends with your power.
14 things men wish women knew
That is the place from which you will start meeting men who also love and appreciate your power. Because those men absolutely exist. And any part of you that believes otherwise is simply a projection of you not being in love with this part of yourself. Also, another factor that has been at play for the majority of career-minded women that I have worked with, is that they have a difficult time dropping into their softness when they get home.
And not in terms of being able to mindlessly pump away for hours… but rather, cultivating general bandwidth so that they can hold a strong container. So, it simply sounds like you have been flooding your body with stress hormones for the last few years and your dip in libido makes a ton of sense.
Less taking work calls at the dinner table, more bubble baths, long walks, and movement practices. You get the idea. Less time in your head, more time in your body. First, believe that these types of men exist.
Feel it in your body. Know, without a shadow of a doubt, that these types of men are out there — even if you have never met one of them in your life thus far. Next, constantly be seeking out any places where you may still be carrying heavy elements of self-rejection. What parts of yourself do you routinely make wrong? Engage talk-based therapy. Note, own, and drop any beliefs you carry about yourself that do not serve you. Be kind to yourself in your daily life. Next, cultivate your openness and receptivity.
When a woman is open to relationship, it can be felt by men.
Be easy to approach when you see a man that you feel drawn to, while maintaining your standards completely. Be easy to get along with, but hard to impress. Similar to a queen. The queen of a kingdom is approachable, accessible, and kind to the people of her land… but that does not mean that she would be best friends and close confidantes with just anyone. Cultivate your queen energy, while also being completely open and accessible to the right men. As for how to sustain a relationship with a healthy man, be a healthy woman. Do your work. Take responsibility for your projections.
Make generous assumptions about his thoughts, words, and actions.