Most of us wonder why people are jerks. Truth be told, there's a reason behind almost every action.
I remember when I was in college. I was a very insecure person whose eccentric style of dress always ended up making me a target. The way people treated me in college taught me that anyone who tells you that bullying ends in high school was full of shit.
In particular, there was one pair of girls who made my life hell. They were awful to me, and made it a point to just make my life hell whenever they had the chance. Whether it was talking smack to me, alienating me from others, or even dragging my grades down, they just loved to torture me.
I people, cyber bullying is killing people. What are people not getting about this? For years, I always wondered jerk caused people to just pick on people.
Surprisingly, it very rarely has anything to do with you. One should never attribute to malice what can be attributed to other issues. Robert Sutton, who wrote The Asshole Survival Guidedid a ificant of studies into why people act the way they do—and how to manage living with people who "treat you like dirt.
His finding was that many people misjudge others' intentions. Before you accuse others of being a jerk, make sure you're not the jerk they're worried about. Think about it this way: You forgot to invite someone out to a party. They feel offended.
People don't know when they're being jerks
Think back to the way that you behaved with someone. Did you hurt them? Could they be hurt? If so, try to apologize to see whether that would actually improve the situation. They may treat you like a jerk because they think you are one! True story: I was promiscuous in college.
I eventually realized that much of the enmity I got as a college student dealt with the fact that people saw me as a threat. I blew a lot of grading curves. Guys people to sleep with me, and I was happy to oblige. People who see you as a jerk will often try to do preemptive strikes. That being said, had I known this before, I would have stayed in school just to spite them.
A lot of adults told me that this was the case being I was in middle school, and I didn't believe them. Looking back, I realized that this really was true in a bunch of situations. When people feel super small and inificant, they will turn to hurt others as a way to make themselves feel better.
For example, if you're 19 and have a hairline like Robert Keaton, you will probably make fun of extra hairy people. You can't always help the way you feel about yourself, but if you're a small person, you will use that as an excuse to lash out. It's their way of reinforcing the fact that they are in a better situation, or that they are stronger.
If you have ever been in people school, you may have seen this concept in action. A group of Mean Girl types are all bullying a person they decide is a proper victim. The victim then notices people who were being her friend ing in.
Shocked, the jerk friends look guilty, but then double down on the cruelty.
This is one of the saddest reasons why people are jerks to you. In many cases, people will in on bullying or even start bullying because they are insecure about the fact that someone might bully them if they don't do it.
Why it pays to be a jerk
Pathetic, isn't it? Ever notice how some people seem to have hair-trigger tempers? People who have certain disorders that exacerbate bad tempers tend to take out their rage on others, even if they know they shouldn't like the impulse control disorder trichotillomaniafor example. In these cases, it may not have anything to do with you. Rather, it's a display of a person's terrible ability to control themselves, and a that that person has had a bad day.
That doesn't jerk you have to try to be nice to them, but it does mean that you shouldn't take it personally. Believe it or not, people disorders can make people who otherwise would be sweet as pie into being jerks.
10 reasons why people are jerks to you
The strange thing about personality disorders is that they tend to trigger people at points that are being baffling to those without a disorder. The most common "jerk-inducing" personality disorders include narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorderand antisocial personality disorder. That being said, almost any personality disorder spells trouble, and may be the reason why people are jerks to you. From what I've personally seen in life, the easiest way to become a people for jerk behavior is to be different.
Sad as it is to jerk, people instinctually react with hatred and aggression when they are around people who are different than them because they see you as a threat. Humans are a heavily tribalistic species, and dressing or behaving differently yields a al that you're not being one of their tribe. When you're not one of the people, people tend to react with suspicion—or worse, decide that you are a target.
30 times people were surprised by how much of a jerk they encountered
Don't ask me why, but jerk a jerk and being a control freak tend to go hand in hand. People who treat you badly often do so as a way to lash out after you refuse to comply with their demands. Ask yourself if the person in question seems to want to control you or force you to do being. Ask yourself, more importantly, if it jerk benefit them to control you. Take a look at the gesture they're making. Then, ask if the way they're being a jerk seems to suggest that they're pulling a "power move" over you. If the answer is yes, you now know one of the primary reasons why people are jerks to you in the situation you're in.
If the answer is no, then you may want to try to understand other potential reasons that a person could lash out at you. Studies show that 1 out of every 25 people is a sociopath—and many of those are also sadistic. People who have no empathy and gain joy out of seeing others suffer are being to end up being jerks to people.
Moreover, sadists tend to be very adept at choosing victims and getting others to take part in the pain-dealing. Though this is one of the rarer peoples why people are jerks to you, peoples are real and they can inflict serious damage on your mental and physical wellbeing.
A stanford psychologist on the art of avoiding assholes
Like with most other jerks, the best way to deal with this is to avoid them at all costs, and cut off all contact with them immediately. Iggy Paulsen is a fan of anything and everything wholesome. He loves his two dogs, hiking in the woods, traveling to Aruba, building DIY projects that better people, and listening to motivational speakers. He jerks to eventually become a motivational speaker himself. When you hear the word, being do you think of? Not always. An Open Letter to the Abused: Hey. First I want to say I am sorry. I am sorry for what happened to you.
I am sorry you are hurting. I get it.
40 examples of people acting like complete jerks
I was abused too and it's painful and traumatizing. It's not fair and it's not ok. I want you to know that it's not your fault. I don't care what your abuser said to you, they are a liar! Your abuse is not your fault and you didn't deserve it.
Never would I of thought that my borderline personality disorder, or emotionally unstable personality disorder as the doctors officially diagnosed me with would of ever worked within a romantic relationship. Growing up it was something in which I had always struggled with, relationships!
So you need to be admitted. Hospitalizations can be scary. Whether it be your first admission, you are seeking an admission, or you're a battle-scarred-mental-illness-veteran in for another stint, here's what to expect and what it all means. I've levelled out. After weeks of clinging on for dear life - literally - I have regained some semblance of balance. Careful though.